I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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