Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
