Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
