You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
