Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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