She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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