dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
