I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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