dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
