I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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