found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
