mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
