My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize