He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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