3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
