I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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