Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
