so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize