whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
