Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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