dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
