i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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