By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
