We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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