Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
