OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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