so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
