i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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