I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
