Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
