In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize