I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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