Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
