Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
