I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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