i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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