you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
