yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
