when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
