I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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