And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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