I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
