i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
