your parents love me but you hate me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
