remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
