11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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