Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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