I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
