do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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