The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
