and you said cock pushups were impossible
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
