Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
