I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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