i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
