Your tits are I can't wait for
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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