I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize