My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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