and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
