Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
