I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
