I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Your penis caused this!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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