Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
