nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
