I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
