My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
