Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
