I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
