we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
