So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
