Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
