This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
