There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize