cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my phone needs a breathalizer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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