My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
