how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
third nipple confirmed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize