I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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