btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
