I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
