I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
