I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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