I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
