paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
