Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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