Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
