We won't sleep together?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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