I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
