remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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