I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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