Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I cut my penus on the lid.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize