My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
