Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
