I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
50% drunk capacity currently
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
