She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
