I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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