Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
