I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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