i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize