remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
