The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
