TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
