i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
