The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
this just has baby written all over it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
