does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
where are you?
Hypothermia
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
