Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize