That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
