her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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