Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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