I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
