I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
