I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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