how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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