the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
