This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
