Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize