Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
