How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
