now i know why i became what i already was.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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